I definitely don't hold with the idea that children are conniving little manipulators trying to shake down their parents for all they can. Incidentally, this is a very popular notion, though it's usually dressed up a little more nicely. Yeah, they sometimes learn to manipulate (from us), but even then I like to think it's only because those are the tools they have on hand to try to reach us about some legitimate need they have. In any case, I like my life and my children much more when I frame it that way. Easier to approach with compassion and creativity someone who has a cumbersome way of expressing a need than someone who is trying control me.
Which brings me to, that tricky baby must know what he's up to!
Dutifully, we waited until he was a month old before we introduced a bottle, not wanting to interfere with a firmly established nursing relationship. When we finally brought the bottle out, hoping to facilitate some father-baby bonding and give mama an occasional break, he politely refused. Five months later, he's still pretty clear about preferring the old fashioned way of getting his milk with its accompanying flesh, softness, smells, sounds and irreplaceable comfort.
And so when it came to starting school full time and having him spend three days a week in daycare, I regarded this as a problem. I thought at first that experienced childcare providers might have some magic jojo by which to instill a love of bottles. They don't.
Next I imagined a scenario where I would be at home doing schoolwork and take a break mid-day for a comfortable ride down to the childcare place to nurse him before getting back to my studies. A couple of screaming-baby phone calls later, that option was out too.
Finally, I tried doing my schoolwork in the staff lounge of the daycare. Between the very frequent comings and goings of staff coming through the major thoroughfare of the lounge and the frequent pull of children's cries on my mama-heart (is that my baby's cry?) it really wasn't facilitating much focus.
Now, I sit in my car in the parking lot. I park it next to one of the daycare's garden beds so I can look out at the sprawling winter squash and maturing corn plants when I stop to think. Now and again a friendly face pops out, "He's trying to nurse Lori's arm, could you come?" or maybe I just feel compelled to check on him and I go on in and spend a little time ogling, nursing, tickling and sharing smiles.
I could never have conjured up this scenario, but now I frankly wouldn't trade it for him willingly bottle feeding at this point. I'm so glad I get to check in with him throughout the day and maintain that connection and closeness which makes it so much easier to sense what his needs are.
It took a while to dawn on me, but I've come to appreciate his rejection of bottles as a major gift and a really remarkable "strategy" on his end. Tricky baby, making sure his and my needs are met despite my plans!
